Imagination works as a powerful element in this Internet-driven era ::: Imagine you have a great LOVER ... FEELS MAKES feel Safer and Happier than real-life situation --- Worse this has hurt institution of Marriage !!

"Imagination" as a phenomenon in this era is not only fictional. It often makes one feel Happier, perhaps prettier and hence Richer and Safer than any unpredictable real-life situation. 

Worse, in today's world this has hurt the institution of Marriage !! But with Gen Zee ... does the Marriage/Wedding symbolize any institution or just the ritual ?

A ritual ... where the girl may sing "Didi tera Dewar Diwana".  

In the 1990s when I was single ... I was quizzed by a naughty politician ... (I won't say where .. forget who). But Neta was a good friend and somehow -- irrespective of ups and downs ... in our bonds - we are friends even in circa 2026. 

His question was - "How do you spend your weekend.... you are still a bachelor?"

I was seeing him off late evening in front of a popular hotel in the town. And little to guess - my friend/politician had his home and family in the same town. Ting Tong - he was not bachelor. 

Next day -- when we met -- one of his first questions was --- "Why don't get married soon"? 

My response was -- "Well, the condition I am in professionally ... I cannot do justice to the institution of marriage".

And like a prophet he wished -- "I hope this institute of marriage actually vanishes".   His response had double meaning ! 

So now we come back to the topic of the day ... Has the Institution of Marriage actually failed as an 'institution' ? 

One college going youth in Delhi Metro .... was sitting angrily ... and repeatedly cursing someone 'F ..... man .... F man'.

As it was late evening ... the compartment was almost deserted and so I got an opportunity ... first to sympathise with him and then posed a few questions -- driven by my bad-old professional habits. 

"Love and marriage is good when you are only imagining about it. Uncle; every time I have crush I am able to set my standards high and higher... this creates another problem and I am then not keen to  bringing them down."

I thought his/her words were quite educative for me.

The new generation has set their own priorities and so have started 'redefining' everything around them. 

Walking back to my house -- I was almost telling myself --- A failed relationship either in Love or Marriage doesn’t spell the end of life.

We may need to heal ... need to take some time out to get back to oneself and then together if at all. But all these need not definitely end one's ability to love or take a relook at things. 

There are multiple reasons for Love to fail. These days things have moved to "living together" stage. I have friends born in 1960s and 1970s -- and most say -- we all are unlucky never to find such a thing as a"trendy" fashion. 

Even in my case -- the Hitler (or Gen Musharraf) of my life -- my dad - decided .... about my marriage.  

But why a marriage breaks -- usually the "burden of responsibility" changes a person -- it could be wife or husband or both.

Another obvious facet is -- staying with a person almost 24/7 -- including sharing of bathroom or keeping one's towel on bed or on the sofa etc etc ... unfold the "unknown" sides. 

Hence the usual jokes about husband-wife (pati-patni desi ones) and the great lament :

"I did a mistake by marrying you".

 

Essentially the society has changed. If it is in the name of development, career movement or financial autonomy --- all these transitions have virtually 'redefined' everything around you.

Traditionally in Indian concept -- 

Marriage was like a good partnership; -- a necessity.

Two people may have to team up to get through life. The man earned and wife cooked. We even saw phrases like 'henpecked husbands' ... now fading out. In many cases -- do not be surprised -- if the lady says 

- "Wah mutton !! ... I love it ... and you know my husband cooks it so well". 

Go deep ... things have changed more.

People are now 'capable'. Everyone can do or at least manage almost everything -- solo — house rent, travel.

The 'requirement' (necessity) was a powerful element with our elders. But now -- who needs marriage ? 

This automatically makes you go deeper --- Romance does not work beyond first few years !

Reality check :: One social worker in Kolkata told me -- Romance has also become lazy. Something outside you or your family has spoiled it. Romance ... may include package of problems 

- Diamond rings, foreign trips, no interference of in-laws in either case for husband or the wife.   

In India -- Marriage as a phenomenon was much beyond two  families. Caste has been an important element.

These days -- language could be compromised ... but what about food habits. 

Get a Gujarati daughter in law for a sorse-Ilish liking Bengali boy  -- the kitchen would remain shut for months and Pizza wallahs may do good business in the entire process. 

Take a close look -- now there are endless opinions and numerous expectations.

Chaos is your permanent uninvited guest. And the 'anxiety packaged with tension' the real gift.  

Some people may get caught between family demands, love and ambition.  

***Before my marriage -- my senior colleagues (and married ones) had advised me -- Never marry into the same profession. You will keep discussing office politics and ask each other -- "mera story para kys (Did you read my story)".  

*** Some Guru Mantra :  

One way to help yourself get over a bad relationship or marriage is to keep yourself  BUSY.

Writing is one world -- we can bet. Opt for easier or tougher games -- cooking !! 

Being idle or alone -- may suit Kishore Kumar's sad number ---  

Kabhi palko pe aasu hai

Kabhi lab pe shikayat hai

Magar ae zindagi phir bhi

(Tears have become permanent features of my eyelids etc etc ....

But Kishore da singularly will not help you at all going through failed relationships.

Another Mantra :  

Be sincere not to play victim/self pity. Do not blame yourself for everything if the marriage has failed.

Again ,,, be sincere to admit about your wrongs. 

** If you are a man read this from Chanakya -- 

".... a woman is four times more brazen than a man. She also has six times his courage and eight times his strength of passion".  

If you are woman --  read this : 

We are not only fighting against inequality ... Feminism will be necessary until women have achieved everything are are equal to men. 

Equality means no Head of the family. Sadly, Equality is no equilibrium. 

Ends