part 3 ::
Chapter 2 Righting Wrongs
Often discussions would be on quite a different subject and as the relationship grew they would spend time going out places. Tourism, some works professionally for Jahar and for eating.
Parul gradually developed a liking for Jahar Sen more because of his multi-facet talent. Of course, Jahar, she thought, had all the faults of a temperament that destroyed many a career, yet he showed loads of talent and some virtues at heart.
She also knew it is worth getting to know the person some intimately.... see the 'insights' into how really Jahar Sen has kept himself fresh mentally despite the middle class demands and other hassles of his life and times.
Once in Guwahati, they went to a Naga hotel for dinner. Parul hardly had any idea about Naga food - other than that most tribals preferred eating boiled food and less masalas.
But Jahar Sen was used to eating all different kinds of food. He would even prefer taking 'fauzi lunch' in various police and military camps which generally comprised of pumpkin and Kaali Dal.
But walking into a Naga Hotel gave a new experience to Parul. Most people on the tables were busy eating, some in silence while a few were talking a lot.
Jahar said, "I am used to taking pork thali here. It's good. You can try chicken as you would not like the other stuff".
Parul nodded in agreement. And as they sat the order was passed on quickly to the waiter. As he took down the order, the waiter apparently knew Jahar and asked joyfully - "Bhaat khabo" (Would you have rice?)
Both the charming tribal - the waiter - and Jahar laughed mildly. Parul knew Jahar has an odd habit of being friendly to anyone. A waiter in the restaurant was not surprising.
Before the food came, they softly started talking about Mental Health and Tension related matters. Jahar was to work on such a project. So he said, "I am studying things these days. It is an interesting area altogether".
How ? - asked Parul rather too quickly.
Jahar started explaining: "There could be many reasons. Some are born thoughtful and introverted. They can easily get into some of these problems. In some cases, I have found kids would grow up to become anxious adults. But what happens is due to certain problems during his or her childhood, such youths have their own relationship with friends and partners affected".
Parul understood what Jahar said, but she thought this was not a good subject to talk about during dinner.
She wanted to change the subject. But on second thought she remarked, "Perhaps I also understand a bit. I have read that an abusive family environment can leave a long lasting impact. But things are so challenging these days especially for the middle class and poor. Parents can become indifferent at times and also be too demanding at times".
Jahar agreed.
In times to come, he said - 'depression' would be a major disease amongst people.
 |
| yours truly |
The coming of corporate culture has a mixed result. While there will be money
and people would go to big cities and also overseas, but there will be conflicts within himself and with his parental atmosphere. Big money will push consumerism, making people crazy about achievements and when the fall will come suddenly....
Before he could finish - Parul said, "the result will be catastrophic. It is already happening in the west. People are moving closer to oriental religion and values. Last decade, you see there is a good rise in the number of Buddhists in the west".
Jahar said, "True, even Italian footballers are taking to Buddhism. These are civilisational clashes, but these are happening due to some reasons".
By then the food was one the table. Quite a few items.
Parul seemed to like the fish immersed in a river of strong mustard. She has taken Hilsa with mustard as any Bengali fisher eater would have, but this was a local fish.
It's today's special here, made only on Saturdays and Sundays.
Jahar pointed finger towards a small bowl. It looked like watery chili. "It's Naga chatni," he remarked.
Parul was thinking something. Jahar said - "Now the best advice is that we should attack the food".
Parul responded with a smile - "True ! Religiously".
In between as they ate, they spoke about love and relationships.
Parul at one point said - " I still remember what you said the other day that wedding is anti-;love and that to preserve the love, you will prefer not to go for marriage".
Jahar remained silent for a while.
Parul said - "But things are getting tougher for me. My parents are now putting pressure on me to get married. I have to take a call".
Jahar Sen still remained silent. He must be talking to his subconscious mind. Parul said - "Okay, you tell me, am I really imposing thing on you? Do you regret befriending me".
The food was almost over. Jahar said - "After a good dinner, one should walk straight into the hotel and the room there. Wasting time is injurious to Love".
Parul smiled rather unmindful. Did she knew Jahar was not at all serious about the wedlock ?
Of course they returned to the hotel room soon after.
Getting himself ready quickly into the night dress, Jahar Sen smiled broadly staring towards Parul. In fact, he did so more than once.
Parul gave an impression that she is unfazed.
Jahar also gulped down more than half the new bottle beer. "Let's do things properly, the remaining fifty per cent is yours. When it is a team, we must enjoy 50-50".
"I appreciate your thought. You are quite a wise man these days," Parul muttered, but added quickly
- "But all these are not necessary".
There was a pause. Jahar's eyes perhaps did the talking. The lights were off gradually.
After next two days, Parul took her train 'Kamrup Express' - that would take her to Howrah and then she can easily reach Durgapur.
Jahar Sen would reach Sllchar after he was done with some of his works at Shillong in Meghalaya mid-way.
***
Parul could not sleep. She felt disturbed entire night remebering Jahar's face, his betrayal.
But was that a betrayal? Parul had finally given up on him and agreed to her parents proposal to settle down with a professional Hiren Bhadra in Pune working with a foreign company.
Next day at 'Anando Bhawan' things were calmer, but looked normal. Parul would not tell her brothers or their wives that she could not sleep.
Of course, she could not name Jahar Sen. That's past. Past is lost.
Did she feel pity on herself ? Or it was a sense of sin ? The guilt can often make a person unhappy. But sadness also brings in a complex feeling - perhaps an inferiority complex.
Is this why she turned so passive and to a large extent even submissive to her 'dominant' husband Hiren? But does thinking all these now make any sense ?
As a mother she remembered her son Prasun. The face of her son always made her feel happy and contended person. Motherhood is certainly all about giving. How would Hiren as a father understand all that?
Journalist Snighdha Chatterjee left. For next few days no body in the family actually spoke about her.
Only Shampa had casually asked once, when would the article featuring Hiren Bhadra - their Jiju bhai - would be published.
Few more days gone. Life was back to normal.
One evening, Parul suddenly thought she would look for Snighda'a telephone number and would ask her whether can she write something for their website. After all, she had a fairly few years of experience of working for a newspaper under the guidance of Jahar Sen.
But again doubts persisted. What would she write ? She is no longer in touch with the writing world for so many years now. Yet, once the thought stuck, she started feeling the urge quite frequently. Of course, she did not share the same thought either with her husband Hiren or any one else in the house.
On another occasion, she remembered a phrase 'hatred for reason and logic'. This used to be uttered by Jahar Sen from time to time.
The same 'hatred for reason' was now apparently working fervently in Parul. As a woman, she felt 'divided' within. That splintered personality factor. Each one them had different emotions. Some of it, Parul realised was looking for excitement and perhaps a major distraction.
Jahar Sen always used to say - Writing is a medicine.
It can distract from pain. It has a soothing power, unbelievable power.
Righting Wrongs, Parul thought of the phrase for a while and just wrote on her left palm with a sketch pen lying unused on her dressing table. She liked the phrase 'Righting Wrongs'. She smiled. This was the smile of a victor, and the vanquished part of the story was her loneliness, her depressed mindset.
She felt like laughing, and quickly would control that. There comes a time when one has to stop crossing or jump an 'unmindful ocean' that for long, you have not even jumped a few puddles.
The future - not much left in this life though - yet again looked uncertain, but for a change she was prepared for the uncertainty apparently.
For the next two days - she did not think much on these lines. But on the third day, yet again such thoughts crept up.
But again, some doubts too. These are the days of ready availability of videos, Youtube is also getting old to youngsters, will reading and books revive yet again!
Tragedy, drama and emotions - not necessarily in that order - have played a large part in Parul's life. Now, she thought, it is time these should play their roles in her writings. She can relive from her semi dormant stage.
A stage where she used to be a docile wife and a doting mother; nothing more.
Now, time to be assertive. Can Jahar Sen's inspiration work again? She was doing some introspection and
peeping into the rear window.
Past and Memories - always part of oneself. You cannot divorce these, she knew.
No, I should not be melancholic nor a modern poetic in some sense. Poetry never really attracted her, but at times
she presumed herself as a Bengali poetess reciting some powerful lines. "Ami ki dorai kabu Bikhari (Can I be afraid of a God, who can be beggar at times)".
(reference - Part 1 link :
Rebel is a middle name - Part 1
Oh, that's blasphemy. Her villain was not God. But fate. And of course some of her decisions.
Why did she have to surrender to her father's whims and fancies and agree to marriage with Hiren Bhadra,
an industrious careerist.
Was agreeing to her father's ideas was also a protest note to Jahar Sen?
More importantly, she wondered, whether Jahar Sen ever bothered ? Why in the first place he did not approve the idea of marriage? So many youngsters fall in love. But Jahar thought differently ? That's again Fate and coincidence.
Some of these queries would never have a proper and convincing answer.
Parul was annoyed with herself. Her torments began when she agreed to marry Hiren. All her fragile hopes and anguish scattered and lost somewhere were now trying to culminate into a confederation of a 'new faith'. A new confidence.
This assertiveness was always missing. Thank God, it is finally coming.
A part of her was left and perhaps lost in that age, that time factor. Trauma was associated with that place, that moment and that very year.
Parul thought, now it is time to search for that lost '30 per cent' of herself - or 50 per cent!
Now, she realises she had entered into an imprisonment. Thanks to her dad and her decision to say, 'yes'.
What was that 'yes' was all about? It was not plain surrender. She was never of that type.
Stubbornness ran deep in her family. She, her father and also her grand pa. In contrast, Hiren Bhadra was a pragmatic
variety. She never thought that Hiren would one day give up job and career and focus on pulling her wheel chair.
What's that? Fate, yet again? Or that's the surrender of an egoistic male?
She took pen and papers, wheeled herself to the writing desk. Do her two sisters-in-law also think like her?
Her first few sentences were yet not coming out in black and white. Is this business so tough? She liked writing once, and found it effortless.
But, her mind was getting restless again. Thoughts went wild, what to write and what not to!
She closed her eyes, keeping the blank papers under an old book. The Pen lay nearby without its cover. It did not want to
sleep into obeisance.
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